Well, now is the time to say a few things about BGTalent. No one will care tomorrow, and probably neither will I.
I seriously wonder how long this whole thing can survive. It's gone way off beam this year. Last night we had a child who was obviously too young to be taking part. She crumpled under pressure - and they gave her another chance! Because she was little and cute. I sympathise with her, but the kid with the football last series didn't get a second chance when he loused up. He was slagged off by the jury for incompetence and dumped. John Terry didn't get another go at his deciding penalty against Manchester United in last years' Champions League final. Perhaps he should have cried too...
We, as the public, have a final say in these things, and perhaps we will all switch off at such mawkish entertainment, at watching people not cope with grace under pressure. Regardless, this year we have three tiny kids (of 12 or less) in the final ten, and one 47 year old who is seriously struggling to behave like an adult. Is this fun any more? Simon Cowell has been brilliantly clever about the whole thing, and so far has just about managed to keep a balance between entertinment and competition, between discoveing talent and laughing at inadequates. But there are two main structural problems with the show.
1. Really talented people will avoid it. They realise that 'making it' is not a matter of showing up on a TV show and bluffing/appealing to the mums. This is not enough. All the contestants who make out that the prog is their only chance of success are JUST WRONG. It isn't. The show is a long queue for celebrity, not a real forum for 'talent'. Listen, roll up your sleeves like all the other talented people of all kinds, painters, singers, sailors, pole vaulters, cartoonists etc etc. and get to work. All the artists-achievers you like and admire did that.
2. The jury. We have Simon Cowell, who owns, directs, profits from and basically runs the whole thing - couldn't leave him out, then. But also. to be fair, as a judge he effectively represents the calm cool head of business. We also have Amanda Holden (who is she?) representing everymum, and finally Piers Morgan representing slimy idiots. But - either the public do the judging or they don't. Get rid of the jury at the final stages, say I. All we need is Ant and Dec doing little "How did it go"" pieces.
Oh and 3. Raise the entry age to 13.
Been too long away, tapping away on this keyboard. Now I have two more books to do. One deal signed, another hovering. But that is not the really big news. Last Saturday I actually did a barbecue. I am as pyromaniac as any red blooded male, but I've never done BBQs. The best thing was that the children liked the food, so we are having another tonight. I am looking forward, as last Sunday morning, to smelling my shirt, and finding it delightfully smoke-scented.
Fingers are healed, mock exams have been coped with. (Can you revise for your mock GCSEs by practising derision?) I did a gig in the Purcell Rooms, which was a bit of a new high for me, having done pubs, theatres and clubs, but rarely ever concert halls.