Tough one. Trouble is you backed yourself into a corner by leading with 'Why not serve this...' otherwise you could have done the 'Please, why don't you go ahead?' Pity it didn't have its pet with it or you could have oozed out something really precious like '... sweet little pup.'

Always assuming you could tell what species the darn animal was.

Trouble is being a self conscious English type. If you were a yank I'd suggest squeeze out a tear or two and finish '... this...this fine citizen, this fellow traveler in our vale of tears... this representative of the very pinnacle of creation PRAISE GOD.' Then you start handing out pamphlets and suggesting people join you for your praise-a-thon. At that point no one would worry about gender assignment issues.

L. O. L.

And heh.

I like Megan's suggestion - sounds like something Stuart Hall would come up with (have you heard his descriptions of football matches on Five Live?)

Hi again, by the way

Hello Anxious.

Yes indeed I know Stuart Hall and I love his declamatory summaries. I also had one long disturbing day in Mortlake about a year ago, editing some hip hop with the window open, when the unmistakable sound of Stuart drifted across from a nearby sports field. He was commentating on some kiddy's event or other, and he went on and on, more in his old skool style from the It's A Knockout days.

Sorry you had to leave. Would like to have talked more.

Being a politically correct lefty person I would have had no hesitation in saying 'person'. Indeed, your demanding that they have a gender is just yet another manifestation of capitalist patriarchy.

If you had been certain it was a wombin, would you have said 'wombin' or 'lady'...?

Heh.

I would have said 'lady' probably. It was saaf Lunn'n and it pays to do respec'.

Of course two hundred years ago 'citoyen(ne)' would have done for both ways with a flick of the soft palate, and afterwards I did think of 'comrade'. But while that might have done my (very scant) lefty credentials some good it could also have got my nose busted.

this .... "customer" ?

just a thought - and a great giggly post.

I always fall back on "Glarblexscrunng" myself when in that situation...

Seriously, I would have said 'person'...but then again, I'm a yank....

Hello Laurel and welcome.

It was all my fault for lack of preparation, I know. I should never have got to the word 'this...' without the next move ready.

I couldn't say person once I had hesitated; it would have sounded like I couldn't tell what I was dealing with. An unbroken sentence would have been fine. In fact I couldn't really say anything after hesitating. Oh well, was fun. Will learn.

(Note to self: tell them about the similar pickle you got yourself into while queuing for a pay-phone after the 1988 Gay Pride festival...)

Can't wait, Mike.

I would have ..erm..sort of jumped back..reached down and grabbed my knee whilst yelling "Ow ow ow my knee"..then gestured ...and said...go ahead... feigning deep pain.......

bit dramatic but it would have deflected attention from your hesitation...you have to be quick though.

oh sorry I put in an old non-existent URL there...

Whatever url you like, Wendz.

I hope you behaved at the Savoy.